you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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