so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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