I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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