Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have post one night stand depression
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
