Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
