My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
