lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
