I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
