Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sex in a hospital.. check
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
