I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
