Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
