I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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