Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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