(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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