yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
