Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
