oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
