My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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