Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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