It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
