I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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