Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
