No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
