He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
