You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
