This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
