just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
