all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
NoShamevember. You game?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
