Cold hands, warm shart.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
