you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
