The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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