What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize