i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
