Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
