I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
