Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
