I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize