You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
