nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
