My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
