i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
