Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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