I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i came on her dog
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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