so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
