He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Girls should come with a carfax report
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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