so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
