I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
