i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
