I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
