Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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