soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
