I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
