Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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