Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
