He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
