i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
