We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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