Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
