She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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