you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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