six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
