Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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