I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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