MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
