My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
