Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
