I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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