One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
