She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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