the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
