You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
