Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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