At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
