and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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