okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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