Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
