You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
