I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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