so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
