it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
