i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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