a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
