just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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