she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
