strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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